I’m lazy, so here’s an 8th grader’s essay on koalas

This essay was written by an 8th grader in Pittsburgh in the spring of
2004. The assignment was to pick an enangered species, and explain why
it's important to save it. The typos and formatting are preserved from
the original.

	    Richard XXXXXXXX Draft 2

        I shouldn't do shit. I don't care about them they all
could die and it won't affect my life. I know a lot about them
but I don't need to think about them. They're just a waste of
time koalas are stupid they don't help me with shit so why
should I help them. If they all die there will be more room for
the panthers and all the other hard animals. Koalas are weak a
pit will get rid of their whole fucking family. That's why I
don't like koalas.
      Koalas have sharp claws but they are weak. They all small
and fat and they be climing trees. I hope a storm just come
while theyjust chilling up in the tree thinking they is hard and
they're will all just fall off. They just break they neck and
shit. When they fall they claws are going to fall off and they
going to be crying like some little bitches.
      Koalas aren't hard they some little bitches. They start
climbing up the tree soon as they see a deer from like 50feet
away. They stupid as hell they should put their brain in their
pouch and put the kid in they ten they're be able to think
better. They try to be in the fucking kangaroo family. They weak
as hell, talking bout they got a pouch a kangaroo so they their
cousins and shit. Kangaroo's have some big ass legs and whot do
a koala got? Some little ass legs, they tails is little and weak
as fuck kangaroo's got a big ass long tail that can kill a
fucking koala.
        If a koala goes in the water it won't be able to breathe
with its little short ass. It'd fucking drown soon aas it take
one step into the water. While they at the river trying to get
something to drink a bear could just come to him and snatch its
ass up. It doesn't know protection because they don't have
protection. What they little ass going to do? It can't scratch
him. The bear will beat his fucking ass.
     The important think about koalas is that just don't care
about tem and let them die by all the other animals in
Australia. They're not important just let nature do what it do
and kill them. Koalas do not have a place in this world there's
not enough room for all the bitches in this world. So let all
the koalas that's in the zoos and shit. Let them go and put them
back with their family. If you let them all go they won't
nothing except for that's what they was put in this world for.
        Now you know why koalas aren't important. They have
nothing to do except for sitting around in the trees. It's like
they just was like they was sent have to die. Koalas don't do
nothing to help anybody. Thre would be just one more relative of
the kangaroo that will be six feet under. Now you know why
koalas are not important because there are dumb.

"Search Eternal" (Monday Muse)

(Author’s Note: BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ALL LOVE MY POEMS SO MUCH, HERE’S ANOTHER YOU FILTHY HUMANS. Also, trying to space the stanzas, each stanza is a haiku but the coding of this site won’t let me do it right.)

Forever lays still,

darkness enshrouds the future,

and man marches on.

We have no fear here,

on Luna, a harsh Mistress,

we’ve made a new home.

(    )

Cold gray ground beneath,

terrors watching from above

in infinite Black.

(    )

What lies beyond us?

It is that which gives us hope.

Driving our Seeking.

Superheros in the Roaring Twenties

So we’re used to seeing superheroes in the modern day, but I kind of think it’d be cool to see a Justice League in the 1920s comic or movie. Superman would have landed just before 1900, Aquaman could have been around when the Titanic sank so he saved it, Batman would use spring mechanisms and clockwork for gadgets. We’d have the villains using the stuff available - oil, coal, steam, etc.

Maybe with the presence of Lex Luthor in the 1920s the atomic era would come early. 

I think this needs to happen.